Happiness is Gone
by sunnyblainey
Summary: When dealing with loss, it can be hard to find that special feeling called happiness. Rated M for suicide, mentions of cutting, and dark themes.


The two boys sat in silence, the only noise was the sound of Scorpius' quill on parchment and Albus' knife carving away at a chunk of wood. The Slytherin Common Room was empty this late at night. Neither boy knew what to say to the other.

When Scorpius finally set down his quill he looked at his friend. The black haired boy was still carving, and the blond's eyes narrowed when he saw what shape was emerging from the wood. He turned away, unable to look. Albus sighed and set the infant shaped wood down.

"Can you please move that... thing..." Scorpius said, breaking the long standing silence. Albus grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket.

"Sorry."

"Thanks..." Scorpius turned his gaze to his friend, sighing when he realized Albus was dragging the flat edge of the knife over his wrists. He leaned forward and took the knife away, earning a look from Albus.

They sat in silence again. After a while, it was Albus who broke the silence this time. "Do you think we'll ever be happy again?"

"I don't know..."

"I don't even remember what it feels like."

"I don't either."

Scorpius reflected on the past few months. He did indeed remember what happiness felt like... Happiness was the day Rose told him she was pregnant. It was the day they found out they were going to have a baby girl. After everything that had happened though, happiness was gtting a new definition. It was Roxanne who picked him out of the rubble, it was Roxanne who was helping him through. Without thinking, he blurted out "When I'm with Roxy, I'm happy..."

Albus felt a pang in his chest, but he pushed it aside. "That's... good."

"And you..." Scorpius immediately said, noticing the look on his friend's face. He hated seeing Albus look like that. He hated even more that there was nothing he could do about it. He hated being responsible for it. Albus just gave a slight nod and began chewing his lip.

"M-Maybe I should just give up..." Scorpius suggested.

"Give up what?"

"Dating..."

"Oh. I guess that could work... but I wouldn't really know. I've only ever been on one date, and it didn't end too well."

"When was this?" Scorpius asked, his brow furrowed.

"After I overdosed on the antidepressants... when you weren't talking to me. The dumbass kept asking questions about it... about why I would want to kill myself. I couldn't take it anymore... I got out of there."

"Oh... was that when you tried to drown yourself in the sink?"

Albus nodded.

"Hm, who was the dumbass?"

Albus shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

"All right then..."

"Maybe you shouldn't give up dating... You have a chance to be happy again. You shouldn't let anything take that away." Albus looked Scorpius in the eye.

" I know..."

"If only one of us can be happy, I want it to be you..."

"No Al, you deserve to be happy too..."

"Scor, I've gotten used to the idea of being unhappy forever."

"You won't be unhappy forever..." Scorpius told him, Albus just shrugged. "You're going to be happy one day..."

Albus shook his head. "The universe had already proven that I'm not allowed to be happy. I was too excited for Abigail... but Karma had to go and take her away." The black haired boy clenched his hands into fists.

Scorpius closed his eyes, Abigail... the name was like poison now. Hearing it only made him angrier at Rose, at the world.

"I was so ready for her to come... I was so ready to be a father." He heard a hitch in his voice and cursed himself for being weak.

"I feel like it's my fault..."

"It's not your fault Albus. It's Rose's for getting into that damned fight and not being careful!"

"It just seems like no matter what I do... or how hard I try, something prevents me from being happy. I've been so close, so damned close to being happy and then it gets ripped away from me! Just like Rose ripped you away from me!"

"Albus..."

"I wanted to die Scorpius... Everytime I saw you with her I... I just couldn't handle the fact that you were happy with someone who wasn't me."

"Albus stop..."

"And then she got pregnant! And even after I put a knife into my heart you had to save my life _again. _Then we... we started to become friends again, and I started to get excited for the baby, I even picked her name. You named me Godfather and I had something to live for. Finally."

"Albus please..."

"And even now... after she murdered your child, and then proceeded to tell you she never really loved you in the first place..."

"Al... stop... please..."

"I've aways been here for you Scorpius... _always. _And what do I get in return? You go after another one of my cousins... I want you to be happy, I really do... but I don't think I can live knowing I'm not responsibe for that happiness."

"Albus you know why I can't... be with you... I'm sorry." And that's when he saw it. The tiny litttle vial in his best friend's hand. A bottle of Living Death, brewed wrong. Just one drop of it would kill anybody, Scorpius knew because he had helped brew that potion in class with Albus as his partner. "Albus don't... don't do it."

"Move on without me, okay? Be happy... please. That's all I want." And with that, Albus tipped the little vial into his mouth. He was on the ground in seconds, twitching.

"ALBUS!" Scorpius yelled, he knelt beside the other boy and scooped him into his arms, letting the tears fall. He no longer cared about weakness. "Albus... Al you complete _arsehole_!"

He felt the black haired boy going rigid, green eyes met grey, and in that moment Scorpius let impulse take over. He brushed the long, messy black hair from Al's eyes.

"Sc-Scorpius..." It was barely a whisper, but he heard it.

"Yeah?"

"I'll always love you... _always_..." The last word escaped as merely a breath, Scorpius watched in horror as the light in the stunning green eyes began to fade. He pressed his lips against the unmoving lips of his friend. Pulling away, he realized this would be the only time he would ever kiss Albus, the first and the last. With a strangled sob he pulled him closer, wishing he had realized it sooner. Now he knew, happiness was Albus. Happiness was the relief he felt each time he saved Albus from another suicide attempt.

But now it was too late. Happiness was gone, and there was nothing he could do.

AN: I hope you liked it, just another depressing one shot from yours truely. Thanks for reading!  
~RavenpuffWarrior


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